In 2016, I was on vacation in Lisbon, traipsing through the city and chatting with shop owners, just trying to catch my breath. I had recently finished my graduate degrees, and while I was in the middle of a career transition, I realized that “changing jobs” wasn’t enough. I was burnt out from the hustle.
I spent that week immersing myself in markets and cafes, even inquiring about a local driver’s license—not because I wanted a bigger life, but because I wanted less. I wanted a life that was balanced, where the scenery of my soul finally matched the world around me.
The Pivot Mindset
When people ask how I arrived here, they expect a story about luck. But the truth is, it was about the Pivot. The successful resident isn’t the one with the perfect plan—it’s the one with a pivot mindset. My journey toward the Mediterranean was anything but a straight line. I’d spent years of missteps trying to get to Italy, and wound up in Shanghai instead. It wasn’t a failure, it was a Pivot.
By 2018, my “untethering” from the U.S. began, but it started with a hard lesson. I followed the advice of the wrong people and landed in Shanghai on the wrong visa. The panic of potentially being forced back to the U.S. to fix it was my “bootcamp“. It was a series of unanticipated messes that taught me how to navigate systems that weren’t built for me. That experience built the international muscle required to eventually thrive in Europe.
When China became a closed chapter in late 2020, I didn’t give up on my dream to move to Italy; I pivoted again, to Spain. China prepared me for the organized chaos while Spain prepared me for living like a local when I finally arrived Italy. Along the way, the language changed, but the resilience required to thrive remained the same.
The Three Stages of Your Arrival
If you are currently dreaming of a move, you are likely navigating these waters:
The Adrenaline Phase. This is the research and excitement loop. Everything is new, but the “one-size-fits-all” scenario can feel overwhelming.
The Messy Middle. This is the period from arrival to the two-year mark where the residency renewals feel heavy and the honeymoon phase fades.
The Roots Phase. You stop comparing your new home to your old one everytime something goes sideways. You don’t “go to the market”; you go to yourfruttivendolo, Giuseppe, who already knows you want the Sicilian blood oranges and carciofi. The people you pass on the street aren’t strangers anymore, they’re the familiar faces of your friends and neighbors.
The Shared Pivot: Leveraging Visas to Protect the Peace of Your Partnership
For those of us moving with a partner or spouse, the stakes feel even higher. The difference between a “survival mission” and a “lifestyle upgrade” is the quality of the advice you follow.
When we pivoted from Shanghai to Spain, the experience was entirely different. Having the legal knowledge of my partner, Abogado Iso, meant we were finally following the right path. That certainty—knowing I was legally secure—allowed me to be calm. It transformed the move from a high-cortisol activity into a collaborative effort. Know that whether leveraging a Pareja de Hecho or a Family Reunification, having that pathway open for both of you is what protects the peace of your relationship.
Don’t Waste Your Adrenaline on Paperwork!
The biggest mistake I see is people spending all their mental energy on paperwork instead of integration. If you spend your first year fighting a website that won’t load, you aren’t doing the real work: learning the language and making friends. You didn’t make the move abroad to sit at home alone and be frustrated, you moved for a better quality of life.
(And the real secret: when you put in the effort to integrate, the friends you make along the way
will tell you that the website will never load, and they’ll give you the phone number instead.)
Surviving to Thriving
Just last week, returning from the Constitutional Court in Rome, I looked out the plane window as we banked toward PMO. Seeing my little town from the air gave me those same goosebumps I felt five years ago. It was the realization that I am no longer a guest.
This is the heartbeat of ViaMonde. We take the “survival” tasks—the legal knots and the bureaucratic friction—off your plate so you can focus on the “thrival” tasks: learning the language, making friends, and visiting yourfruttivendolo. We handle the bureaucracy so you can reach your own five-year milestone as a successfully, integrated expat living your best life.
The best time to move was five years ago. The second best time is today.
